Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
