Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
