Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sext me about skeletons
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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