Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
