i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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