i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
