apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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