we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
