The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
