3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My sheets look like a crime scene.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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