I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
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You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
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I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize