my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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