go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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