$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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