How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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