How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
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You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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