Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
