She's JV to your varsity
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just invented taco cereal.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
