i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
