Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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