ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
