I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
