you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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