I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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