Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I want to be your penis for a week.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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