i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
