matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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