I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
