On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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