If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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