i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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