i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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