I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
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He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
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He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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