we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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