What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
