I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
