I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
