I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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