It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My ass is underappreciated
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
