Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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