don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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