508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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