Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
