If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
