Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
