im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
