omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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