I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
