i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
