I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
