I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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