Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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