Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
