this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
