just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
