Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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