shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
