We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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