I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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