I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
