I'm going to jail i love you
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
