Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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