I didn't shave. On purpose
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
