I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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