I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
