Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
