Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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