you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
