Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
