apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
