FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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