If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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