he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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