Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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