Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize