dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
