my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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