The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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